It has been quiet around the blog these days, but not so of my spiritual life. You see, the world is changing me at rapid fire speed, so quick I almost can’t keep up. Before you begin to pray for me that I’ve left behind a world of faith let me explain…
A fire has been burning deeper and deeper into the pit of who I am. Every headline, every conversation comes back to the same things to me over and over again. And today, it became inescapable.
Today something in me broke.
My desire to please others broke, my willingness to sit quietly broke. My timidity, and self doubt of wondering if I had anything worth sharing broke. My thoughts that I cannot, should not, and will not do more than “ordinary” broke. With a spinning head and aching spirit I jumped on my treadmill and began to run.
“Father!!”, I cried out. “What do you want from me?! What’s YOUR will in all this?!”
Everything from the last few months came flooding out me (mostly in the form of these strange rivers down my cheeks). I ran, I cried, I listened until that still small voice you know speaks out only when you are truly ready to listen.
God showed me that my thoughts and my heart when I’m with him are not mine, but His. I cannot just show you headlines, and articles to change your opinion of who we are (those are other people’s words), but I can share with you my heart as God has shown me in my own words. So may I present you with an extremely painful entry from my personal and private prayer journal. It is with God’s boldness and prompting that I want to release this to you…
“Brokenness! Brokenness and cover-ups! We have been lied to, we have been deceived to believe that our brokenness is repulsive, shameful, undesirable. We have thrown beauty in the garbage because it was less than perfect. Abortions, euthanasia, and now euthanasia of children too! We’ve been told our diseases, our unwanted pregnancies, our “brokenness” is unwanted! We’ve been told there’s no reason for us to see, hear, live, carry forward in our brokenness. But Father!! You, YOU see us not for our brokenness, but for PURPOSE.
I’m shattered! I’m utterly destroyed by the frivolousness way we treat the fragility of life. The way we discard, abandon, and look away from anyone and any situation that is below perfection. Anyone and any situation that requires work as if to say, “how dare you take away from my time”. Such selfish individuals we have become.
As if our time is truly ours to hold in the first place.
As if somehow we’ve given ourselves authority to pick and choose what has value and what does not. How dare I ever escalate myself to such a level, or to say “it’s just too much, just too messy”. No! I have not come to live a life of ease and comfort. I have come to SERVE.
I AM HERE WITH A PURPOSE.
The broken, the washed up, the beaten up, sick, discarded, diseased, lifeless, dying but not yet dead, emotionally wrecked, mentally unstable, too old, too young, and the not quite born yet are HERE WITH A PURPOSE.
I am blessed to have a voice, ears that work, eyes that see, and limbs that move. (If I had only of of those I would still have purpose and duty to serve with what I have). It is my obligation as an ambassador of the Father, who is never frivolous with life, to speak life and love to the broken. To not turn my back, or look away, or to even keep silent. Because in my silence, when I clearly know right from wrong in the eyes of the “Father to the Broken” I am letting the lies of the enemy win a war I am deeply invested in.
To those whom much is given, much will be asked. It starts with whatever we have. Look into the eyes of the messy, the unwanted, and the rejected. Be Jesus. I need to tell them they are completely beautiful. Tell them they are desirable. Tell them they are wanted and have purpose. (Tell them they have value!)
Life is fragile and precious. No breath is breathed without the breath of mercy from God!
Father! Save your children. Silence the enemy that seeks to deceive. Let us rise up like a mighty army for you! For your children! For the broken and less than perfect! Raise people up who will reject social norms for the sake of igniting fires in your children. People who will reject laws and social ideologies at whatever the cost for the sake of those you are chasing after. Amen.”
My heart!! Oh how it hurts!!
In a world that has been broken down into binary code and facts, it’s easy to see why we have become just another disposable number. Please know, to the Father, you are not disposable! He took every effort to craft you, and shape you into who you are. Of all the people already in the world, he knew that he needed a YOU to be included his plan. Don’t let that pass you by!! Never underestimate that you have value with the Creator of all things and in all circumstances!
In spite of a world that increasingly tells us we are of no value, and completely disposable, God’s word and his promises do not.
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other. John 15:16-17
So, in my brokenness for brokeness I offer you this final thought. Would you stop seeing the world and the people in it based on the way the world is treating it? Would you stop letting it be ok to discard life and treat it with it so little respect? Would you stop when you hear stories from others and ask, “does this show our value as God sees it?”. And would you instead be brave, and speak up while laying down your need to be culturally acceptable? Would you speak life and value in a God-honouring manner to those who are around you. I am. I’m going to try anyway, and I ask that if you are my sister (or brother) in Christ that you would encourage me and each other to keep going. I know it’s not going to be easy. I’m sure I’ll lose a few friends along the way. And I’m sure I’ll fail miserably sometimes too, giving my selfish thoughts back to the world. But I will keep trying! For you! And for me! May I leave with you some encouragement from our most precious Bridegroom who paid the price and signed the deed for an eternity with you:
I have loved you just as My Father has loved Me. Stay in My love. If you obey My teaching, you will live in My love. In this way, I have obeyed My Father’s teaching and live in His love. I have told you these things so My joy may be in you and your joy may be full. John 15: 9-11
If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. John 15:18-19 (emphasis mine)